January 2012
5 posts
Please Use This Twitter Account
Max’s Twitter experiment today got me thinking about a world where people could assume other people’s online identities whenever they wanted to. Would it be a utopia or an insane troll hell?
So I made a twitter account that anyone can use whenever they want: @anyonetweets The password is letmetweet. Please don’t change the password; and I don’t even know what will happen...
Chasing @Horse_ebooks is like trying to hug smoke. →
bridgefigure:
I have a cadre of Russians, so I briefed one contact on Adrian Chen’s @Horse_ebooks offer, thinking she’d put me in contact with someone grateful for an easy opportunity to make some money. I was told off instead:
Um, plenty of people could make it happen, but that address won’t lead to shit.
I thought you were using the IP address or whatnots to track him. NO ONE EVER...
$160 to the person who discovers the truth behind...
My original Horse_ebooks offer has been sweetened considerably. Internet comedy person Jake Fogelnest and the originalhorse_ebooks journalist John Hermann have each offered to kick in $50. Rachel Fershleiser has offered $10. So, that makes $160 simply for knocking on the door at 11 lenina street in Moscow.
As an added bonus, you will be helping defeat the ANTI-TRUTH BIGOTS who are trying to...
My @Horse_ebooks offer
Like thousands of people who spend too much time the internet, I’ve become strangely obsessed with the mysterious spam Twitter bot @Horse_ebooks. Not much is known about Horse_ebooks, though it appears to be part of a network of spam accounts promoting dumb ebooks.
Thing is, I really want to know about the person behind Horse_ebooks. As John Hermann explains in his great article about the...
October 2011
3 posts
May 2010
1 post
My Grandmother Answers Your Computer Questions
Q: What is a computer? A: A computer is an expensive machine that your grandson forces you to buy in order to make you feel inadequate and scared. Computers have the Internet in them.
Q: How complicated are computers? A: Computers are the most complicated things ever devised by man. If you don’t instantly know how to use a computer the very first time you sit down at one, you should give up...
March 2010
4 posts
Barcelona, Day 2
Saw a lot of buildings today. Ate a Paella. Imagine if Red Lobster did Rice-a-Roni and you get the picture. France tomorrow. They say the prostitutes in France are even taller than Spain’s. We’ll see.
In Barcelona
I’m in Barcelona. Woke up at 5:30am today due to intense jet lag and a dream of being cast in a porn opposite Kathy Griffin. Decided to go for a pleasant early-morning stroll down Barcelona’s famous “La Rambla”—a wide promenade with many shops and things to eat. Turns out that in Barcelona, 5:30am is not “early-morning” for many people. It is “very...
February 2010
12 posts
“Sometimes a millenial gets to the point where they realize they’re not...”
– Yep, I’m publishing my comment on Doree’s Gawker post on my Tumblr. Give me a break, I’ve got to write a shitload of jokes today.
A Thing About Guns
This piece in the Awl mentioned “Vermont-style” gun control laws. Or, rather, lack of laws. Fun fact: In Vermont it is legal to have a loaded handgun in your car, but all rifles must be unloaded. This is to prevent people from shooting deer out of their truck windows. In Vermont, if you want to carry a gun you just buy one, strap it on, and you’re ready to shoot things....
Hope this doesn’t threaten my press pass to “Tumblr Reads”:
Tumblr Screws Hipster Underclass to Appease Hipster Overlords at Pitchfork
PREDICTION: South Africa Is Gonna Be Huge This...
That South African white people rap video taking over the Internet has reinforced my hunch that we’re on the cusp of a big South African moment. Last year we had District 9, now we’ve got Afrikaner hipsters (?) blowing up on the ‘net. This summer is the World Cup, and as long as everyone who goes there isn’t raped and mugged we’ll be hearing Bob Costas or whatever...
Blogging in Bed!
Guys, I’m blogging in bed! ahahahaha
Just kidding—I don’t own a bed! ahahahahahaha
Kidding again—I do own a bed but I choose not to sleep there because I’m frightened of the spiders hiding in the sheets! ahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhhhaaaaa
Kidding again—I do own a bed and I am frightened of the spiders hiding in the sheets, but I usually just sleep...
Some Names Have Been Changed
While this memoir is a work of non-fiction, some names have been changed:
My mother’s name has been changed to “Courtney Love.”
The name of the degenerative bone disease the kid had who beat me with his crutches during recess in 5th grade until I peed myself has been changed to “big muscles.”
The name everyone called me after a handicapped kid literally beat the piss out of me has been changed...